LIV

 

 

O Son of life, fill the earth of my body and Soul with Your life, so that I may have something with which to appear among the living angels.

 

Without Your life I would be unable to breathe the air that the angels breathe, or to eat the bread that angels eat. I would again be an exile outside the gates of the heavenly kingdom, before which gates even now I lie like a paralytic.

 

The world lures me to its bread, and then stones my soul.

 

It lures me to a fish, and then stones my heart.

 

It lures me to light, and then shrouds my mind in darkness.

 

I do not despise one who is poor, but the world has become despicable to me; because, though it is poor, it pretends to be rich. Neither do I despise one who is selfish, but the world has become despicable to me; because, though it is selfish, it pretends to be generous. Nor do I despise one who is insane, but the world has become despicable to me; because, though it is insane, it pretends to be sane. Nor do I despise one who is sick, but the world has become despicable to me; because, though tuberculous, it intentionally contaminates the water of the healthy. I despise the imposter and the charlatan, O Lord, who bury my life with earth while speaking continuously to me about heaven.

 

There was once a rich shopkeeper who died. His shop and its goods were bought up by neighbors and his shop stood there empty, but always with the name of the deceased merchant still over the doors, together with lists of all the valuable gifts in the shop.

 

"I too am like this sort of shop," I say to myself in shame. "I still bear the name of life, but my life is all bought up by my neighbors."

 

O Son of God, Son of Life, fill my earthliness with life.

 

First clear the stones from my soul, and nourish it with true bread.1 Purge my heart of serpents and fill it with Yourself. And dispel the darkness from my mind, and flood it with the light of heaven.

 

For I shall not truly return to life, if only my soul returns to life while my heart remains stuffed with mortal desires. Nor shall I be resurrected into Your Kingdom, O Lord, if only my heart is purified while my mind still remains filled with darkness.

 

Truly, until all three fountainheads within me are clarified, my life will be bereft of life. If one is clarified, the other two will muddy it.

 

If two are clarified, the third is sufficient to muddy them both. Each of the three fountainheads within me is either the contaminator or the saviour of the other two.

 

O Son of Life, fill my earthliness with life. You are my Wisdom,  for in You lies not only divine mentality, but also divine virginity and divine sanctity. For had You not been born out of divine virginity and divine sanctity, You would not have been Wisdom, but finite human knowledge and expertise.

 

O Son of God, You are the only nourishing bread of my life. I beseech You, do not turn Your face away from me, a sinner. You are the only living water that can water the parched desert of my life.2

 

I beseech You, do not turn Your face away from me, a sinner. You are the only fresh air, that can heal the infirmity of my life.

I beseech You, do not turn Your face away from me, a sinner. But have mercy on me and save me!

 

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1. Cf. John 6:22-40.

2. Cf. John 7:38.

 

 

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